why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
