I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize