God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
