Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
