I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize