I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize