Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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