The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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