I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
