She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
