Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
