I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
