I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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