It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
