We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
