So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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