i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
