the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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