Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
