She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
