Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
