he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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