i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
