You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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