we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
