I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
