My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
