omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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