We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
last night I used snow as a chaser
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
