that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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