i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
