i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
