someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
