i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
