You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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