I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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