i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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