it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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