Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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