Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize