I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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