Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
