We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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