had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
