I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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