...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
