so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
