So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize
