So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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