what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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