oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
