I'm really into asian looking animals
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
