i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
