I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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