How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
