So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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