mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
