I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
