Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
