good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
