the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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