How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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