sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
