Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize