PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
