There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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