i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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