guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
