Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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