so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
