***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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