i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize