She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
