I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
