just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
