I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
