There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
