Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
