I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize