just come out here and I will go home with you...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
