The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
