my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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