i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
