all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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