I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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