i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
