i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
