I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
