Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
