i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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