So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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