dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
