so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
