the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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