We're facebook friends in real life
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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